To be or not to be

Sometimes, we so badly want something in our life, and most often than not, you never get it. Be it be something as simple as pursuing your dreams and not having the means do so at that point in time or as complicated as relationships  Right when you give up on it, when you don't have an ounce of interest in it anymore, it comes knocking at your door. What do you do? Well, some would say that if you gave up on it, then may be it is a sign that you never really truly wanted it in the first place. I would argue it. Not that I care about what others think about me, but the thought did cross my mind. Is it true? Did I not want those things that bad in my life ? Did I not give it my all? The answer is - I did want  it badly and I did give my everything, physically and emotionally, so much so that I was completely exhausted to persist at it anymore. I accepted that it was not meant to be. And I think it is perfectly ok to re-prioritze every now and then. Is it really worth emotionally draining yourself over something that you have no control over? And according to me- NO. It certainly is not. Life is short. Do not brood over missed chances and if something was not meant to be, then just leave it be, pick up the pieces and move on. Am I this selfish? Yes, I am and I am not sorry. I hate to think of myself as someone who is at mercy of something or someone. Call this ego, pride or whatever you want. This is who I am.

So when something you have wanted so badly comes knocking at the door, it really messes up the balance I have worked to maintain. I don't know what to do. There is one thing I know for sure, it no longer holds the same level of priority it did once in my life sometime in the distant past. 

Edit: People get offended when I ask them what is it that changed their mind along the way. Honesty  is definitely overrated.