Discovering music

I have been listening to a lot of rock music these days - Led Zeppelin, The Rolling Stones, Zombies, Kansas, Journey, Scorpions, Was I deaf till now? :P

Dad, are you there?

I am working on a presentation that I am supposed to present to the "Non-volatile Memory" class on Tuesday, and also been listening to the "Kishore, Rafi, Lata" station on Pandora. And they have been playing all my dad's favorite songs, one after the other. Started noticing it when "Chandan Sa Badan" from Saraswati Chandra played, one of his all-time favorites. Then came - "Ehsaan Tera Hoga Mujhpar" from Junglee, "Chalte Chalte Yuhin koi" from Paakezah. He did not particularly like the newer songs( late 90s bollywood). There were very few he appreciated, one of them was "Bahot pyaar karte hain" from Saajan, and that played too. Just makes me feel, he is here somewhere, very near.

Ruminating

I feel invigorated. I am at a much happier place, at a much healthier place. It feels good to just live every moment only for yourself. I needed this, big time!

The shadow looms large

I find it very difficult to let go of the past. I don't suppose that is normal, but I am trying my level best to work on it. 

Eyes Wide Open

Now, that I have finalized on my school, I dont even feel like working. I havent gone to office for the past 2 weeks, but thats also because I havent been able to walk around much owing to a ligament tear I suffered when I twisted my ankle a couple of weeks ago. The doc says, it will be atleast a week more, before it completely heals.
I have a couple of feature enhancements to the tool, that I am just dragging out. I am almost done, though I was supposed to be done by it almost a month ago. Anyway, thats not really important at this time. If I come back to the same company or same team, if things dont work out, THEN it would  be a problem..
Well, I am kinda glued to my laptop all the time, looking at gradcafe, scouting potential studios where I am going to stay, and all kinds of stuff. I know I am not being professional and all, and after working for nearly ~5.5 years, I should be more professional, but I just dont feel like it. I am just saturated at my current job, frustrated at the no-progress I was making. I tried to take on extra assignments, but that didnt work out as well. So, here I am, sitting in front of my laptop, all excited, ready to begin a fresh chapter in my life

picture copied from here : http://nykmayank.blogspot.in/2010/07/how-to-identify-software-engineer.html ( I dont know this guy, I was just googling this pic), found this

Peace, or the lack of it?

I see so many people around me who are at peace or make peace with so many factors in their life. I dont want to be making peace with something. I want to be able to live, eat, drink,travel, fumble, regret, enjoy , diethe way I want to. Is that a wrong thing? It is a little selfish, some may say. Shouldnt we be selfish atleast to this extent? If we dont give wind to our desires, who else will ?
Dont mistake my rant/aimless mumbling to any complaints or dissatisfaction with my life. I am just speaking my heart out. 

Waiting

It is a weird time in my life. As I wait on the decisions from the universities for my PhD, I am anxious, scared,   saddened, elated, all at the same time. Anxious - would I get into a good program in a good school? Scared - How would I fare there? Do I have it in me? I am cringing right now, I have always been plagued by an element of self-doubt. Always! Saddened - I will be leaving behind family, and from the looks of it, would be staying apart from my husband as well. Elated- Finally i get to do what I wanted to do, Get to go where I wanted to go!
Hmm.. Part and parcel of the journey called life! You make some terrible decisions, you take some bold decision. Fumble, regret, try to do the right thing this time around and the cycle repeats.