This is a conversation that personally i think "most" girls( of course, Indian girl)s, with the exception of those who are already committed, has with her parents/relatives when they cross the magical figure of 20 in her life, after which they begin the whole process of looking for a suitable groom for the girl. I will give present excerpts of the conversation through the years(i.e from the time she crosses 20 till lets say 23 or 24 , after which all hell breaks loose, it gets maddening out there). Agreed some of these I have had myself with my parents/relatives and some well, based on the experience of mostly aunts and cousins and friends. Huh!! quite an experience, I tell you
I will keep this a conversation between a mother and daughter .
Girl- Age:20 years, Mostly doing her Bachelor's degree.
The conversation begins with Ma being extra cautious , generally starts off with the casual," Oh, so how are your studies going on?? Whats happening in college?" . The girl senses the hesitation..
And starts wondering as to why is she reluctant so much(She has no ideaaaa!!!) . Then after a little while of talking about nothing in particular, does she drop the bomb
Ma--[clearing her throat)-- Beta, Well , Uncle ABC called up yesterday. He was ,uh , mentioning about a guy, the son of family friend of theirs. He is going to complete his masters and has already landed a very good job in this company X. I hear he is a very well mannered boy and very intelligent. Uncle thinks you both would make a good pair. So what do you say ? If you say yes, you can meet him, and then decide. I thought it best to ask you
Girl( totally dumbstruck for a while, eyes wide open, and then almost instantly retreats)-- Ma, but i am only 20, and you are thinking of marriage!!! I am yet to complete my bachelors. I dont even want to think about marriage, let alone meet him!! Ma, atleast i thought you would not bother me with all these until I complete my studies. Let us talk about it, once I finish my bachelors
The first time always ends up with the girl fuming, and giving an hour long explanation on how she so not want to think about marriage. SO a year passes by, Ma realises it best to close the chapter for now.
Girl- Age 21 years--22 , Just about to complete or just completed her bachelors and has just landed a job or just started working or started her masters degree
this time Ma does not hesitate
Ma -- So you have completed your studies now. Remember I had told you about a guy last year , whom Uncle ABC had mentioned . Well Uncle says, now that you have completed your studies, and he is pretty well settled, I think at least you should htink about this proposal
Girl( this time a lot more patient, she knows such a conversation was imminent) -- Ma, I want to do my masters now.
Ma-- So do it after marriage. Nobody is stopping you from pursuing your studies.
Girl-- But Ma, marriage means a whole lot of responsibilities, and I have just started working, let me work for a year or so. I want my own time out for myself before I engage myself in family responsibilities. Let me concentrate on my career .
Ma-- ( Knows that if the girl says no at this point of time, it is going to spell trouble later) 2 years for your masters then you woul dbe 24. It is very difficultto finnd guys then( Gal thinks,-- Aha as if they are an endangered species, soont o be extinct fromt he face of the earth)
But Beta, a good proposal is hard to get, I hear his parents are gem of people. And they would n ot object to studing further. All taht you want !!! Dont think it would be easy to get a well suitor later. this has happened before too(giving some far off relatives/ friens daughter's example) , see she rejected so many proposals in the beginning, because she kept saying that she is not ready for marriage and now she is already 25 and single. Their parents are so worried. They are hardly finding boys these days
Girl --But ma, I have to know the guy before I marry him. Dont yout think so ? All i am asking is to just let me be by myself for a year or so . As if I am going to run away with you guy.Then I would meet the guy you show me and think about him. I understand that you would be worried about me and its a great responsibilty for you , but do understand my point of view .
Ma(already panicky)-- I dont know what has come to girls of these days. During our itme, we didnt even have a choice. Here atleast , we are giving you the choice of meeting him . and you would have to compromise on things. You wont alwasy find a guy of your choice. Dont act like a hhardcore feminist and give all this individualist ideas to me. If you ahve any particular expectatios then tell me. you want a guy who had done his Masters/PhD or an MBA would do ?? Height ? Looks??
Girl( wants to laugh out aloud, at the same time , feels like screaming on top of her voice):
Ma, please just onemore year is all I ask you. then I would look at the guys you show, OK?
The conversation continues about how the girl wants to have career as a priority for now and Ma coming forward with counter arguments. Ma gives in finally after much hesitation. Fast forward to a year later
Girl- Age 23- 24 years , Working/About to complete her masters
Sorry, there is no conversation at this point of time. The girl is shown the guy. I am sure the situation is equally awkward for the guys too
Phew!!! To tell you its really a pain to make them understand. But then,evn they have a responsibilty to fulfill and thinkof the best of our iinterests. So , you have to endure these conversations.
Gals reading this post(i know that case to be rare) amy drop in some of their own experiences
Guys I would like to know if any such "conversations" you have had at home.. :-)
Would be a relief to knwo that we are not alone in this ..:)
Friday, October 24, 2008
Monday, October 20, 2008
Inference
These are some conclusions that i have come to recently
1. People change over the course of time,whether you like it or not. But do keep in mind that "you " yourself belong to this set of "people". However, expectations from them or vice versa remains the same, until one day you realise it that these too need to be refreshed over the period of time
2. You cannot claim to know somebody completely even after years of being with them. Human nature is a function of the circumstances that a person faces in his everyday life . You keep discovering new traits.
3. Some wounds never heal. May be you dont want them to. They are too precious to be locked away and forgeotten
4. You simply cannot get angry at some people. The heart has a special place for them . It was more than 3 years since i last spoke to a friend of mine and all my attempts to keep in touch with her went in vain since she was always busy, leaving me frustrated. When she called some days back( obviously with a reason) , I just couldn stop jumping with joy . There just aint an explanation for that
5. Ego plays a big role in any relationship,in friendship too, however good friends they claim to be ( Confused about this point , ego should not come in between two good friends , but it often does , though they are good friends)
1. People change over the course of time,whether you like it or not. But do keep in mind that "you " yourself belong to this set of "people". However, expectations from them or vice versa remains the same, until one day you realise it that these too need to be refreshed over the period of time
2. You cannot claim to know somebody completely even after years of being with them. Human nature is a function of the circumstances that a person faces in his everyday life . You keep discovering new traits.
3. Some wounds never heal. May be you dont want them to. They are too precious to be locked away and forgeotten
4. You simply cannot get angry at some people. The heart has a special place for them . It was more than 3 years since i last spoke to a friend of mine and all my attempts to keep in touch with her went in vain since she was always busy, leaving me frustrated. When she called some days back( obviously with a reason) , I just couldn stop jumping with joy . There just aint an explanation for that
5. Ego plays a big role in any relationship,in friendship too, however good friends they claim to be ( Confused about this point , ego should not come in between two good friends , but it often does , though they are good friends)
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Yeh hai Mumbai , Yeh hai Mumbai, Yeh hai Mumbai meri jaan
"Yeh hai Bombay... Meri jaan " crooned Johny Walker in the movie of the same name. When I think about the Bombay, memories come flooding back . Even 5years after leaving the city,deep down somewhere I am and I guess,will always be a Mumbaikar
--I miss those times I used to travel in the crowded local trains, precariously hanging by the door, as to the same time precariously hanging on to my life
--I miss those times I used to get down from Malad station and stroll outside to catch some mouth watering dahi kachori, vada pav( I still crave for vada pavs :-()and Samosa at M.M. Not to mention Dabheli
--I miss those times, we as kids , everyday used ot gather at the basement of our apartment building and play. right from cricjet to throball to volleyball, antakshari, dumb charads , hide and seek and what not
-- I miss those 10 days before Holi that we used to feel like hunted ont he road, and almost never entered class room without having been struck by water balloons and on the day of Holi, fighting it out with the folks of the other apartment building , devising strategies to hit as many of them from the other side of the febce as if it as an indo -Pak war
-- I miss going to watch dahi handi
-- I miss walking all the way from home to school , with the heavy school bag at the back
--I miss goign to all the fun fairs that used to be organised during Diwali and New Year time and play all those games at the stalls ( putting a ring across al the items, catching an apple in a bucket of water with a knife , and some weird card games ). and the list goes on and on
When I still think of all this, I can still smell the city. Hope to return to Mumbai some day
--I miss those times I used to travel in the crowded local trains, precariously hanging by the door, as to the same time precariously hanging on to my life
--I miss those times I used to get down from Malad station and stroll outside to catch some mouth watering dahi kachori, vada pav( I still crave for vada pavs :-()and Samosa at M.M. Not to mention Dabheli
--I miss those times, we as kids , everyday used ot gather at the basement of our apartment building and play. right from cricjet to throball to volleyball, antakshari, dumb charads , hide and seek and what not
-- I miss those 10 days before Holi that we used to feel like hunted ont he road, and almost never entered class room without having been struck by water balloons and on the day of Holi, fighting it out with the folks of the other apartment building , devising strategies to hit as many of them from the other side of the febce as if it as an indo -Pak war
-- I miss going to watch dahi handi
-- I miss walking all the way from home to school , with the heavy school bag at the back
--I miss goign to all the fun fairs that used to be organised during Diwali and New Year time and play all those games at the stalls ( putting a ring across al the items, catching an apple in a bucket of water with a knife , and some weird card games ). and the list goes on and on
When I still think of all this, I can still smell the city. Hope to return to Mumbai some day
School,College,Work
Just a random thought.
Now that I have started working(its been close to a year, dont ask me as to what work I did in the past one year :P), I keep wondering,
--Now I feel What glorious days were that of engineering(bunking claases, never completing assignments, last minute preparation for internals, frustating labs , night outs during the semester exams, hanging out all most the whole day at the cafe, copying during internals)
--While I was doing my engineering course, used to wonder what wonderful days were those of two years of junior college(the innumerable visits to Juhu beach, never attended the second year of college , commuting to Vile Parle, hanging out at Snow lops(our favorite ice cream joint!!! )
--And during those two years, there was a constant thought at the back of the mindthat school days were never to come back ever in my entire life again. And it still saddens me . Golden days, truly.
Now that I have started working(its been close to a year, dont ask me as to what work I did in the past one year :P), I keep wondering,
--Now I feel What glorious days were that of engineering(bunking claases, never completing assignments, last minute preparation for internals, frustating labs , night outs during the semester exams, hanging out all most the whole day at the cafe, copying during internals)
--While I was doing my engineering course, used to wonder what wonderful days were those of two years of junior college(the innumerable visits to Juhu beach, never attended the second year of college , commuting to Vile Parle, hanging out at Snow lops(our favorite ice cream joint!!! )
--And during those two years, there was a constant thought at the back of the mindthat school days were never to come back ever in my entire life again. And it still saddens me . Golden days, truly.
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